WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???

Wha'dup all. This is me, Shugaree pronounced (shuh-gah-ree), and this is my blog. What the hell am I doing??? Not quite sure exactly. But, it was recommended by "Buk50" to create one of 'these' joints. A little background, Buk50, is not my man. He's my man. My homie, my paht-nah. Got it now??? Ai-ight, let's move on.

Last night, me and Buk50 went to an open mic/showcase in the DC. Yes, I currently live in the Metro DC area, by NY born and bred. Will always claim NY. But have an affection for my newfound home. Anyways, back to the entry.

We went to an Open Mic/Showcase at, should I really say the name, F**K it, they need to know their service was shitty!!! Kilis Cafe and Lounge. That's right I said it. And I'll say it again, KILI'S CAFE & LOUNGE. Now I've heard advertisements about this particular venue many times on the radio and was excited to go. On the flier, it stated the showtime was from 8:00 p.m. until 1:00 a.m. On a Sunday. Father's Day nonetheless. AND, I had to go to work the next day. And I felt like pure crap at work today. So, we arrive there at around 8:30. Parking lot was pretty full, however there was no line outside the door. Hell, the doors weren't even open. HELL, THE DOORS WERE LOCKED!!! What made it worse, is the same flier that I saw advertising the event, was neatly, no "strategically" placed by the door and the windows leading up to the door. So, while were outside, waiting, Buk50 sees some of his boys and steps away to go holla. I'm like, ai-ight, my opportunity to write some lyrics (we'll talk about that later). So, Buk50 comes back and is like, "They 'bout to open..." At something after 9:00 mind you......I'm already not impressed.

We go in. $10 cover. I have to walk through a metal detector. I'll leave it at that. I walk through, the detector beeps, the security dude does nothing. I ask, "Do I need to go through again?" I get ignored. So I think, "Taliban Bitch!!!!" Why in the Hell have a 'metal detector' if when it detects metal, yo' ass ain't gonna do shit??? So, I proceed to pay my cover, and I put my email address down so I can be contacted about future events. If I only knew.

We go in, surprisingly enough, it's not a bad looking establishment. Actually, it's pretty ai-ight. Couldn't tell that from the outside. Damn-near got a flat tire from the huge ass POT HOLE, at the entrance of the parking lot, that had the nerve to look like it was covered with carpet squares. Real f**king clever....

So, a waitress comes up, and hands us a menu....No, no, no, let me back up. This dude comes up and puts a menu infront of my face, then places it on the table as I'm talking to, "Buk50."
I look through the menu, Buk5o's not interested. I look at the appetizers and they have shrimp kabobs. Now, that's what's up!!! So, a waitress with a pleasant face comes up and asks if we want to order. Like I said, Buk50 wasn't interested, but I ordered the shrimp kabobs and a Corona. That was maybe 10 after 9:00..................................................................................................................
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.................................................10 after 10:00, Buk50 calls the waitress over, and I'm like, "What happened to my order???" She gives me some BS about, "Oh, I think we're out of shrimp. Atleast, that's what I heard. But let me check."

Exactly.

OUT OF FUCKIN' SHRIMP!!!! I WAS ONE OF THE FIRST MO'FOES UP IN HERE. WHAT DID Y'ALL HAVE 5 SHRIMP AND ONE PERSON ALREADY ORDERED THEM?????

Sorry about that, flashback. So, at about 10:40 I finally get my meal. She kinda threw it on the table. Now, when I initially ordered the joint, I wasn't hungry. That would be the reason for ordering an appetizer. By this time, my ass was HUN-GRY!!! Ya' heard me!!!! Buk50, had to call her over again, "Where's my beer?" she replies, "Oh, its coming out soon." I'm thinking...what the fuck y'all ran out of beer too???? So, she comes back, and tells me, "Oh, when you order an appetizer, you get a free beer, it just can't be a Corona." My choices are a Bud Light, or MGD. First I said a Bud, but then I changed my mind when I realized what MGD was. No, I'm not an avid beer drinker, but I do like mi Coronas!!! Es verdad!!!! Needless to say, guess what she brought out.......................

That's right, a Bud Light. By this time, I was hungry, and because I was eating sooo fast, I was thirsty too. I drank the Bud. And that was the best damn Bud I've had in my life.

She brings the receipts. I still have it in my purse. (Shit its in the car). Well, the meal was $10.95......$10.95!!!!!! The menu said $8.95. then there was 19% service fee, 15% gratuity. I wasn't giving this fucked up waitress a tip with her shitty service.....Now, I'm FORCED to???? Plus, sales tax, and it came up to $14.13.

That's not a lot of money. And I had it. But it's about the principle. Y'all let people into your establishment over an hour later than what you've advertised, offer shitty service through your waitress, then you're going to fucking over overcharge me for a meal that was an hour and a half late, AND COLD WHEN I RECEIVED IT!!!!!!!!

Okay, y'all fucking with the wrong bitch now.....So I call shorty over, and ask her what's going on with the bill when the menu CLEARLY stated $8.95. You know what this bitch told me........She had the gall to say they put the wrong menu out, and the price of the shrimp was $10.95. Talk about your customer service. So, I had my $20.13 out and she was about to take my money. I said no sweetheart, (Erica Kane came out y'all) I want to see your manager.

Well, well, well. The manager never showed but my bill was fixed, I bet you that!!! I paid. And that was the last I had to deal with her.

Now to the performances. It was a "Ladies Night." All female emcees, and songstresses and bands, and group/duos were performing. And no, it wasn't the Grammys. Far from it.
The first artist, a female mc with an album dropping in August. I don't know how she sounded or what she said, 'cause the sound was so shitty. Between the reverb and the beer, by this time I had a headache. And she was the first one up, I'm quite sure that was nerve racking enough, on top of that, the sound man didn't have her CD cued. And the sound was distorted.

Group #2. For it to be a group, one of the female singers appeared to be the lead. So, they shouldn't market themselves as a group but "Her ass, and them." And, she was feelin' herself way too much. Reminded me of the drunk Diana Ross in "Lady Sings the Blues" More accurately, she reminded me of the drunk Diana Ross. I actually prefered the other vocalist talent. She was in the cut, but she could blow!

Group #3. Another female mc who represented (as she proclaimed) the "New Dirty South" Judging from her outfit I could tell why. She was new to the scene and both she and her lyrics were dirty. This was her performance (envision the ill cipher)

yeah, yeah. uh, uh. yeah, uh. New Dirty. yeah.
mutha fucka, pussy, slut, lick my clit all you want,
get this brown round while you go down town,
I can swallow year 'round...........

No, that isn't what she said verbatim. But damnit if it ain't close.

Group #4. Made it worth while. A very skilled neo-soul artist who had her stuff right. Her sound was fucked up too, but she didn't perform until the sound man got it right. I know that's right !!!!
And the sound man ended up looking like and AV kid from a local high school. I was happy to see this one artist perform.

Group #5. Lil' Kim's first cousins. Nuff said.

Group #6. The artist was good. But by this time, actually WAY before this time, I was already done. She was ai-ight. I was ready to go.

We left.

Buk50 said, "You ready to do an Open Mic???"

I said, "Hell Yeah!!!!"

So, to Kilis Kafe & Lounge and the fucked up waitress, "This Bud's for you!"